


diet mountain dew

by murderfuel



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27646396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murderfuel/pseuds/murderfuel
Summary: Illumi is drowning in schoolwork he needs to finish. Hisoka and Chrollo are bored and pester Illumi into hanging out with them.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer, Hisoka/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Illumi Zoldyck, Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81





	diet mountain dew

Choosing to date Hisoka and Chrollo was a mistake.

At least it is to Illumi; because right now they are pestering him and he is trying his hardest to finish an essay. Hisoka is playing with Illumi’s coal-black hair, twirling it around his finger and sniffing it with a smirk on his face. And Chrollo, sweet Chrollo who has done nothing but been a great boyfriend to Illumi, is rambling nonstop about a book he had finished earlier in the day.

Illumi feels like his head is about to burst.

He wants them to shut the fuck up so he can concentrate.

He’s on the verge of snapping, but he doesn’t, for their sake. He continues to type, slamming his fingers over the keys, words coming out staticky while he struggles to tune his boyfriends out. 

He pauses, searching for earbuds, and sticking them in his ear. He plugs them into his phone and presses play. Gentle classical music fills his ears as Hisoka and Chrollo’s voices fade out.

Finally, he can focus and be done with the assignment.

Hisoka pulls Illumi’s earbuds out.

Or not.

“Come on, Illumi. Pay attention to us. You’ve been staring at your laptop all day long.” He whines, throwing cards hand to hand.

“I can’t. I have to write this essay. You can watch me do it. If I’m boring you, fuck Chrollo.” Illumi ties his hair up in a bun and begins typing yet again.

Hisoka rolls his eyes and flops back on their bed. “I don’t wanna. Chrollo is so dull. Having sex with him is like going to bible camp; it’s no fun. I’m not into vanilla~” He winks which goes unnoticed by Illumi.

“I’m right here?” Chrollo pipes up.

“I know.”

“Shut up. God please just shut the fuck up. You’re like a baby that constantly needs attention. Take a nap. Masturbate. Do something but pester me. I’m busy.” Illumi snaps, putting his earbuds back in. The music starts up once again.

Hisoka groans, burying his face in a pillow in a dramatic manner. Chrollo slides in the bed next to Hisoka and cuddles up to him.  
Hisoka stills, wrapping his arms around Chrollo’s smaller body. Though not what Hisoka wants, Chrollo’s warmth feels nice. He runs his fingers through Chrollo’s messy hair and kisses his forehead gingerly. 

“See this isn’t too bad, right?” Chrollo asks, voice muffled by Hisoka’s shoulder. 

“What would be even better is if you would let me fuck you and degrade you like the whore you are~” A devilish smile dances across Hisoka’s face, eye glinting with lust.

“Absolutely not. You’re too intense. Besides, you have Illumi.”

“I have you, kitten. You could satisfy me in many ways. I’d love hearing you moaning out my name while I have you tied up with a blindfold on.”

“Stop.”

“You’re such a bore,” Hisoka sighs.

Illumi mindlessly works on his essay while Hisoka drowns in boredom. He thinks of how he and Illumi and Chrollo got together, a random memory that pops up. It was so long ago that Hisoka has nearly forgotten. Three years, that was how long they had been together. Three wonderful years full of love and desire. Three years full of stolen kisses, threesomes, cuddling to sleep. Hisoka loves every single moment with them. Most of all, he loves the excruciating time it took them to get together. Chrollo was the first to admit his feelings to them, doing it nervously with pink-tinted cheeks. He and Hisoka had started dating after that. Illumi knew both Hisoka and Chrollo liked him, yet he never acted on it. He stayed in his own world until one day he found himself in love with them. They had begun to consume his thoughts.

After Illumi came to them one night with tears streaming down his face, unsure of what was happening to him, they let him into their relationship. Those first few weeks were full of Illumi pulling away, unsure of his placement in the relationship. As time moved forward; Illumi knew his place, he was, and is, the man Hisoka and Chrollo praise. They will never love someone as much as they love Illumi. 

In their minds, Illumi is an ethereal being, something too good to be true.

An idea pops into Hisoka’s mind, an idea that would get Illumi to loosen up and have some fun.

He sits up, pushing Chrollo out of the way gently. He walks over to Illumi’s desk and rips out the earbuds in a swift motion. He unplugs them and tosses them away, out of Illumi’s reach.

“What the fuck.” Illumi hisses, eyes narrowed in anger.

“Illumi you’re tense. You need a break. Me and Chrollo--” Chrollo’s head pops up at the mention of his name as he tunes into the conversation. “will finish your assignment for you. If the two of us do it, it’ll be done faster and then we can have fun. How does that sound?” 

Illumi relaxes. “That sounds nice,” He clicks away and sends the document to his boyfriends. 

He grabs ahold of Illumi’s hand and strolls to their bed. Hisoka sits down, legs crossed. Illumi sits in Hisoka’s lap, leaning back so his headrests in the crook of the clown’s neck. Hisoka opens his laptop and sets it on Illumi’s waist, wrapping his arms around the assassin’s waist as he begins typing.

Chrollo opens his own computer, furiously typing in unison with Hisoka.

Illumi’s eyes close as he falls into a light nap. The pressure of the assignment has been lifted and he can finally exist in a peaceful state.

Nearly an hour passes and Hisoka and Chrollo finish up Illumi’s assignment and turn it in. They shake him awake in excitement.

“Illu, let’s have some fun~” Hisoka grins, reaching under their bed to grab mountain dew and vodka and a pack of clear plastic cups. Illumi’s nose scrunches up at the sight; he has never been one for drinking, in fact, he thinks it's pointless to drink when he can't even get drunk.

“I don’t drink from cheap cups,” Illumi yawns, stretching his arms and back.

“I can fix that problem!” Chrollo chimes, shuffling around the room and finding a glass. He hands it to Illumi while Hisoka makes a drink; a nasty concoction that Illumi glares at with disgust.

“I’m not drinking that,” Illumi says as Hisoka smirks to himself. He pours two more cups of liquor handing off one to Chrollo who sips it.

“Come on, you know you want to.”

“I don’t.”

“Aw, are you chickening out?”

Illumi throws his head back and swallows the drink in one gulp, licking the excess liquid off the corner of his lips. His throat burns, though it is not anything he isn’t already used to. 

“I’m not a fucking chicken. Don’t ever say that again.”

“Illumi, calm down,” Chrollo says, sliding up behind him and wrapping his arms around the assassin’s cinched waist. He peppers the back of Illumi’s neck with gentle kisses, Illumi leans into Chrollo’s touch.

“I am calm,” He sways his hips as he and Chrollo begin to dance in a gracious manner. Chrollo presses his body closer to Illumi, hands exploring every inch of the raven-haired beauty.

“Then drink some more,” Hisoka pours another glass.

Illumi’s eyes snap open. “Why do you care so much about me drinking? I’m immune to such simple alcohol.”

Hisoka doesn’t answer, only presses the drink into Illumi’s palm.

Chrollo moves from behind Illumi, finishes off his second drink of the night, and grabs Hisoka by the collar, and pulls him down for a kiss. Chrollo’s fingers run through Hisoka’s mess of slicked-back hair, gripping the back of the magician’s head to deepen the kiss.

Illumi watches them from the sidelines; jealousy coursing through him. 

“Hey, Hisoka! Chrollo!” He calls out while starting up some music. Funky pop fills the air as Illumi starts to dance. Grins appear on his boyfriends’ faces as they join him. They swing their arms, wiggle their bodies, and saunter around the room in a fit of giggles. In between fits of laughter, they take shots of various alcohol.

Hisoka lifts Illumi up and dances in triumph.

“What are you doing?” Illumi smacks Hisoka’s shoulder blade with his fist, legs kicking out in disapproval.

“Dancing, babe.”

Illumi relaxes, wrapping his legs around Hisoka’s waist as Hisoka spins.

The song changes and Chrollo gasps. He absolutely adores the song currently playing; he believes it’s the perfect match between happy and sad. He shakes his ass in excitement, grinding up on Hisoka and Illumi.

The redhead and assassin laugh at him.

“Chrollo you look ridiculous dancing like that,” Illumi scoffs, a giggle threatening to slip past his pretty lips.

“I don’t care!” Chrollo collapses onto the bed in pure joy. He kicks up his legs, giddy and dazed from the ridiculous he has consumed in such a short amount of time. 

Hisoka jumps onto the bed, lying next to Chrollo.

They’re both drunk off their asses--and Illumi notices this--in fact, he enjoys it, the perfect chance to mess with them. Illumi lifts his arms above his head and moves his hips, his shirt sliding up. Hisoka and Chrollo stare at Illumi’s exposed abs.

Illumi gives a wide grin;a rare sight. “Like what you see?” He asks, turning his back and moving his body in a sultry way.

Hisoka cackles, standing up to grab Illumi by the waist. He throws the raven-haired beauty onto the bed and peppers him in kisses. Soft fingers tuck Illumi’s hair behind his ear. A soft blush creeps up on Illumi’s face.

Hisoka caresses Illumi’s cheek, feeling the warm skin. “I love you, darling~” He whispers before dropping onto the bed space beside his boyfriend. 

Illumi looks to his right, where Chrollo sleeps as well.

A smile graces Loomi’s face. He strolls to the closet, grabbing a fluffy blanket from the middle shelf. He climbs back into bed, laying the blanket atop him and his boyfriends. Chrollo curls up closer to Illumi, slinging his arm over Illumi’s chest. Illumi lays a kiss on the foreheads of the two of them before falling asleep himself.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this fic !! it was mostly an excuse for me to write dorky chrollo and polyam adultrio :) as always, kudos and comments appreciated !


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